this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Randomize
