I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
