I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
