I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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