I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
