Got a toothbrush?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
