she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
