So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
