I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
