I just cut my nipple shaving
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
