i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
