Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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