it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
