That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Oh god it's open bar.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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