So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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