There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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