Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
