The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
