it was like his penis was on wheels.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
