im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
