I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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