Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
