Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
