he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
