Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
