There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
