I hate all girls vehemently.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
