Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
