I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
