Define "chronic" masturbator.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
