Just fell off a train. Bad.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
