You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
