he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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