maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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