Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
