Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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