I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
