One girl and one boy is just not enough.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
