my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
