I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
