it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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