Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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