Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
