I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
