I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
thus making me awesome and them whores
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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