Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
