Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
