I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
