After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
