1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
