i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
