I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
